The Life I Always Wanted

“If you don’t take the chance to live life, what can you say at the end of it” – Naveen Andrews.

All my life I’ve been tossed around, never really owing anything in my world. I’ve been fed with beliefs, raised with commands, praised hardly, condemned easily, told what to do and what not to do. Having to live within norms and rules, obey them, uphold them, cherish them but never break them.

“This is the way to act.” “That is the way to behave.” “This is how to live.”

I’ve been pointed directions, dragged towards those directions, made to live within those directions.

‘This is how the world works son, accept it.’

‘And wat if I choose not to accept…’

‘Then Youu FAIL!’

I was afraid to fail. I feared failure. I’ve been brought up to fear it, loathe it, and run from it. I never want to fail.

Failure was coming out Last in class. Failure was been poor, it was having no friends, and it was lacking relevance, a nobody.

So there I was torn between how I wanted to act and how the world expected me to act. Trying to make a better concept of what to be said and what ought not to be said; to make certain I fitted with the society.

I was living a sham. My head ached and my heart, my heart throbs with pains. This wasn’t the life I wanted, and if it meant I’ll fail tossing it away, so be it.

I am going to choose what I want, how and when I wanted it.

Choose my religion (if and when I decide I still want one). Choose my course in life. Marry the lady I love. Decide what cities I’ll travel to. Write as many books as I can. Say what I want to say. Dress how I deemed fitted. Shout on the shrill of my voice. Run wild in the rain. Play in the fields. Work for astonishment rather than torpor.

I’ll simply be me! Choose the life I always wanted.

And if I fail, I have the satisfaction that I did all I ever wanted to do, became all I ever hoped to be and not was imposed on me.

‘I am taking the chance to live my life’

‘Are you insane?!’

‘Yes… Why shouldn’t I be?’

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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